How much can you really blame a person for putting you through hell when you took their hand and willingly followed along?
Does stupidity on one person’s part excuse cruelty on another’s? Or nullify it in some way?
How do you know how much you should hold yourself accountable and blame yourself for putting yourself in such a vulnerable situation when you knew it was a terrible idea? Or does that teeter on the edge of thinking similarly to abused individuals where the wronged party is constantly justifying the abuser and blaming themselves?
F-k it. I guess it all comes back to not having control over any external situations or any other person… the only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions to thing. I’m the one who knew the repercussions and did it anyway.
FAIL.
I did something similar recently too, and feel/felt the same way. I think it goes back to the Thinker stuff a few months back, you have the capacity to think/feel/have insight, other’s don’t seem to, so you’re correct in that we can only control is ourselves and our reactions, which isn’t easy at all.
I think it does teeter on the edge of the abused blaming themselves and justifying the behavior. “If only I’d done this/that differently, then things would have been different” when that’s not at all the case. I think some of us subconsciously seek out others who make us feel bad about ourselves (I don’t mean you),because it’s easy to be in a fucked up relationship, not so easy (especially for someone as non-commital as I am) to be in a healthy one. Also, we can’t really choose who does it for us and who doesn’t.
Try not to be so hard on yourself (that’s what I’m told all the time, and it’s a cliche statement, which I hate, but I feel the need to use it here), stuff happens, we know the repurcussions, choose to do it anyway, what’s done is done. I don’t mean that to come off as cold.
It’s not stupidity on ones part that would excuse cruelty, that person would have been cruel no matter what. Don’t blame yourself, or at least try not to.
You don’t come off cold at all. You always give very sound advice.
Self-sabotage comes all too naturally for me. I totally know what you mean about subconsciously seeking out a less than ideal relationship. I have an unfortunate tendency to choose relationships where the only guarantee is an unhappy ending. But a happily ever after ending is unappealing to me because I think I am just as afraid of succeeding as I am of failing.
I wish we could choose who attracts us and who doesn’t. I guess it depends on what phase you’re going through in life, but lately it seems like I’m only interested in scattered, broken and damaged men. And by “lately”, I mean the last few years. Not exactly a recent development, ha. Maybe as I continue to work on myself, this will change. Like attracts like, right?
