am-:

theboxer:

am-:

theboxer:

am-:

“I would say somethinghmmm happy with the light but then maybe all the fight between those*disembodied voices like the one’s used to be rattleboxing in my head real one’s somewhere clicking on this thing even though this thing is meant like their thing to share whatever* they would go “ah no you from that great imaginary height- you said all that crooked tongued thisnthat” well maybe but you engage me in a battle of wills dummy and you get bull and horns and worry enough because like a hunger i am an army of bad tidings and sweet too and either way fuck with me and with words ill upset your tummy* and wrap you up like a spider* before he eats the mummy BUT what if i don’t feel like that like you don’t feel like this* and say i share* because like the weather people they motivate* themselves like a seasonal charge and….AND that THIS is what it means to be alive AND SAY if it were your job to peel your skin off and say it like it was eve n if it were against yourself and be a token of crystal like emotional news you would be like me too BUT you pay or do not pay to see how the beasts in my heart cage growl and grow* or* eat the tamers and sometimes there is blood and feats and sometimes there are tricks and balloons until now because when you were away and when i was away and the animals went quiet and i let it go i became just me and i always knew there were only two endings to this story and one one was a goodbye and this this is a hello and* i would say something, i would say something more about myself or being sorry but i know and you know that i know and you know that this was always a game or telling a truth too much too hard and for too long and i did that and you watched and i broke and we are now here so i say i am now just me and all that is gone not even tired just* bloomed and removed and well now now i would say something nice and you cant get mad or get sad or wish me back or wish me upside down* x’ed eyes or worse because i am just me now and we will have to get to know each other again minus all that pain look the light how pretty RA”

— oh, nostalgia…

Awww, that was the last one he wrote, right?

:-(  Thanks for making me miss his presence here, AM.

no. that’s the weird poem he wrote to me on here. calling me a dummy and telling me he was going to poison me like a spider or something…
but look at the light how pretty.

LOL, Yeah I realized that right after I hit post, and was trying to delete it.  Ooops.  Not trying to overanalyze RA’s “style” of writing, but I do believe he really was attempting to be nice there at the end.

The abrupt mention of the light makes me think that he wanted to show stark comparisons (pain = dark) between the past and the present/future (lots of light).

Oh, he was going to poison you with a spider bite?  Hmmm.  Do you remember the loooongg poem he put up around October or November about LH (or who we thought was LH)?  It was alllll about spider bites.  I thought it was one of his better works, personally.  Lots of intense emotion.  Scattered, sure (they always will be until he gets a dictatorial editor), but decent.

so my spider bite wasn’t even meant just for me?

i think he was attempting to say sorry, but along the way he managed to call me names and put me down so it kinda fell flat.

No, no - sorry.  I wasn’t disagreeing that it was directed at you.  (Clearly it was.)  It seems like he went through a big spider phase - Cobwebs, numerous allusions in the poems where people get wrapped and caught in webs, etc. - but I found it strange because I hadn’t really picked up on the spider theme until Cardiniology and that time frame. I’m sure it’s in his music somewhere, but it’s not nearly as prevalent as ghosts, roses, cities, etc.

I think he was definitely attempting to apologize. See bold text above… it’s like he’s saying that he wants to get to know everyone again after all the dark places are behind him, then he immediately mentions the light.  In literature, light represents a new birth, a redemption, a passage of time from darkness into light (i.e., happiness).  I think he meant that he was letting go of everything and starting fresh.

But as we all know, an apology from him can never be a straightforward, simple, “I’m sorry.”  That would take all the fun out of it.  Heh.

Does that make any sense, or have I had a huge English major geek out on you?